What does it really mean to "regulate the nervous system"?
We hear a lot about "regulating the nervous system." But what does that mean, really? How do we go about it? And is this something we can effectively do on our own? Let's break it down.
"I know I need to do a better job of regulating my nervous system," my new client said. "I feel like I'm always ON, and I don't know how to really ever relax."
Like many of my clients, this person had done a lot of work already. She'd read The Body Keeps The Score, she'd been in personal therapy for years, and was a long-time member of a 12-step program. So I could understand the frustration she was expressing. Why was she still dealing with this constant feeling of being on? What was it that she was missing?
This is a common dynamic, and one I run into a lot in my work. "Regulating the nervous system" sounds great-- like the "missing piece." But what does it mean, and how do we do it? And what if those "hacks" from TikTok don't do the trick? Let's break it down.
Okay, so what IS nervous system regulation?
Nervous system regulation is the process of helping your body return to a calm, balanced state after stress activates it. How does this work? Here's a basic (oversimplified) breakdown of how our nervous system works.
We're going along in our lives, feeling pretty good.
We encounter a stressor of some kind-- let's say we run into a bear on our front porch.
Our nervous system mobilizes to respond to the threat-- we move into hyper-arousal (fight-or-flight) so that we can run from, or fight the bear if we have to.
Once we escape, or defeat the bear, we return to our baseline level of "okay-ness." We're back at step #1.
The window of capacity/window of tolerance model
So, let's add on to this understanding by taking a look at the "window of capacity"model below. This model is based on Dan Siegel's "window of tolerance" model, with a reframe provided by Jane Clapp (who taught this as part of the Movement for Trauma training that I was lucky enough to co-facilitate!).
According to our list above, in step 1, when we first encountered the bear, we were feeling fine. This is the green box below, our window of capacity:
Now, enter the bear, in step 2. Our nervous system is activated, and we are pushed out of our window of capacity into hyperarousal, the red zone.
In the hyperaroused state, our nervous systems are ready for action. Muscles tense, cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, pupils dilate, blood pressure and temperature rise, and our non-essential systems (digestion, reproduction, etc.) go offline so that we can handle the stress we're being given.
There's also another scenario that we haven't discussed yet-- hypoarousal.
Physiologically, if we're not able to run, or fight, the next thing that we do is that we drop into a hypo-aroused state. This can manifest in different ways-- we might feel like we're paralyzed, or "frozen." Or we might feel heavy, exhausted, "collapsed," depressed. Again, ideally, once the threat has passed, we're able to get up, shake it off, and move on.
But that doesn't always work the way we want it to.
When the system gets "stuck"
For most of us, the threats in our lives aren't bears.
They're our worries about not being able to pay the mortgage, or a fight with our significant other. They're concerns about climate change, our country's political future. They're historical events that we were never able to deal with.
And because these aren't threats that we can really fight, or run away from, the cycle doesn't complete itself. We get stuck in that red zone-- constantly on edge, hypervigilant, jittery. Or, we're down in the gray zone, heavy, depressed, exhausted.
While all of these nervous system states are adaptive-- that is, they're useful, and often life-saving!-- we are not meant to stay in them long-term. Our systems cannot function optimally if we are living outside of our window of capacity.
Not only do we have the stressful or uncomfortable feelings described above, but our bodies don't operate the way they are meant to. Remember those digestive and reproductive systems, for example? They don't work as well when we're outside of our window of capacity, which can lead to a host of physical problems.
This is where nervous system regulation comes in.
What nervous system regulation can do
One of the best things we can do for our nervous systems is simply to educate ourselves on how they work. So, if you've read this far, you're ahead of the game! Great job.
When we understand that we are responding to threats, or stressors, and that we are "stuck" in the process, then there are things we can do to help to complete that cycle.
Physical activity can be incredibly helpful: just taking a walk can make a big difference (you can read more about that here). Or dancing around your kitchen to your favorite song. Or playing a game of pickleball. Moving our body physically helps to discharge the stress hormones so that we can move naturally back into our window of capacity.
There are many other ways that we can support, or stimulate our system. Providing a felt sense of safety can be helpful, as in this 5-part holding practice I'm sharing here.
Other people may benefit from a creative practice, like this mandala drawing exercise:
Because we are all so different-- and our systems are so different-- there is no one-size-fits-all solution for nervous system regulation. Some of us will need more stimulation; others more support; others still may need social connection.
What nervous system regulation cannot do
Being able to regulate our nervous systems is an important skill, but can only go so far. While nervous system "hacks" can be incredibly helpful, especially if we find ones that work for us, there are some things that they cannot address.
Nervous system regulation is not a substitute for the deeper work that can be done in a therapeutic setting with qualified support.
Nervous system regulation cannot address systemic inequalities like racism, poverty, or ableism, to name a few-- though we can use it to support ourselves in dealing with them, the root cause remains.
Nervous system regulation-- at least the DIY stuff-- may not work for all humans, especially those with very complex systems. You can read more about this here.
How can a somatic coach help with nervous system regulation?
One of the challenges in learning to regulate our own nervous systems is that there are many things going on that we are simply not aware of in our own bodies. One of the benefits of working with a somatic coach is that they can often see what's happening in our bodies in ways we cannot.
Take my new client, for example.
She had tried several different "somatic exercises" she found online to regulate her nervous system-- but none of them seemed to do much for her. She thought she must be doing something wrong-- not true. Instead, I was able to see that these were the wrong interventions for what she was experiencing. Instead of being more stimulated, her system needed more rhythmic, settling movement-- something she would have had no way of knowing, but which I could recognize quickly in our time together.
There's another important reason that working with a coach can be helpful, especially if we're feling "stuck" on our own. As infants, our nervous systems learn to regulate through co-regulation; that is, by regulating to another person's nervous system. For individuals with complex trauma, this is essential because there is no baseline to return to; they never learned to develop a window of capacity. This is something that has to be done with another human, even if we're learning as adults. We can't fix this in isolation.
Finally, guided pacing is essential. Nervous system regulation isn't a one-time fix, or something that we can rush our way into. Here, experience is key. As a coach, my job is to help you to titrate-- to do only as much as makes sense in the moment-- so that we don't push you into further dysregulation.
Want to learn more about how a somatic coach can support you in regulating your nervous system? Book a 20 minute discovery call and let's see if we're a good fit.
Hi, I'm Laura Beth Wenger, a somatic coach helping folks navigate the effects of chronic stress and C-PTSD through NARM, somatic coaching, and embodied dreamwork. I see clients online and in person in Stuart, Florida.
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